Show Up

I woke up slowly, my body still tired from a restless night. After long moments of waking my mind and prying my eyes open, I sat up and realized he was gone. The bed beside me was cold and empty. I stood up abruptly and went to the closet. Suitcase gone. I sunk to the floor and held my head in my hands. I didn't know how long he would be gone and I didn't have the chance to say goodbye. Soon the baby was stirring and I had to go on about my day, earlier than usual but still too late. I knew I would see him again, but my heart ached all the same. Our lives had grown so chaotic and tiresome that somehow I completely missed our important date, our kisses on the hand, our ritual of one last glance, one long hug, and one long goodbye before the distance would fall into place between us.

This. This is the feeling. Longing, loss, sadness, disappointment. There will be distance and you don't have the chance to say goodbye. Something special awaits, but somehow you missed it. I awoke with this feeling yesterday and it still haunts me. The story above is fictional, but captures what my heart felt early that morning. I try to spend the first moments of my day reading the Bible, a book on faith, and writing in my prayer journal. I sacrifice sleep to gain a perspective I cannot muster up on my own.

I looked at the clock and it was 5:30am. Still one full hour of sleep ahead of me and I really felt that I needed it. I felt this whisper in my heart, "Come with me." Not real words, no voice. Just this deep sense that if I got up and spent that time in prayer or devotion, I would find something there. It would be meaningful, special even. It felt important. So I bargained with God and went back to sleep. Before I knew it, the alarm went off and the day began. I felt regret and somehow knew the time we would have wouldn't be the same. It didn't require the same sacrifice that it would have in the dark, early hours.

My daughter woke up a full hour earlier than usual. I closed my book, cut short my time, and plunged into my daily roles without breaks. By the end of the day, I looked at my husband and said "Do you know what I could've used today? One hour more. Just one." I have felt that way before and I will feel it again. But. The One who knows me and knows what is in store for me...called me. Our time together is important, our ritual of listening and sharing, understanding more fully and falling in love with new discoveries about one another. Err my new discoveries because He already knows me. As I have drawn closer to Him in these past few weeks, His heart is made known to me. My heart is made known to me. You guys don't want me without Jesus, TRUST. The passion for life and people is intoxicating.

I ask God to speak clearly and to show up. But am I listening? And do I show up? I am postured for readiness, but my eyes are distracted and elsewhere. How many times have I missed this whisper? This gate to the secret garden, this wardrobe to another land? I seek to be transported, and yet how often do I take the first step?

So I chose not to dwell. You can bet your sweet tush I got out of bed today and made that time happen. There is still a sense that perhaps I missed something, but I also have this new appreciation for who God is. For the mountains He will climb and the rivers He will cross to impact our lives. Ultimately, His provision astounds me. I may have made some new discovery yesterday...maybe I would have been handed the key to unlock the door called "What's Next" for me and felt clarity about the next stage of life. See why I was so disappointed? THAT was on the line. Possibly. However, He still provided a sense of urgency and a repentance that was born out of weakness. Two choices, one future. Nothing in the trash. Nothing wasted, nothing lost. Moving right along. Like a daughter that wants to please her Father, I am listening.

"Before they call, I will answer; while they are yet speaking, I will hear." Isaiah 65:24

Connect to Protect

I love looking back on a year. I often sort of feel as though I'm just along for the ride as a year unfolds and the days seem to just happen to us. Looking back gives me a chance to see how it wove together, creating beautiful patterns and our very own tapestry.

This year, I want to track our story a little more closely and with a bit more intentionality. Each week, I aim to set a goal, form a pattern, track progress. I'm not one to stick with things, so this has already been a challenge! But I'd rather not behave like a bystander. This year, #intention52 is my mantra and I want to remain present each step of the way.

So week one // We played more and it was honestly a lot of fun! Normally at this time of year, I'm preparing for a women's event that requires lots of running around and last minute prep. I said no to the event this year and I haven't looked back. I was able to enjoy the holidays with my family, finish projects around the house, and hang out with my kids. We played hide and seek with friends, tried out new games, and dove head on into the land of make believe. I still had to cook, clean, and fold laundry. I pretended that we have a cleaning staff, but we do not. BUT it was ok. We connected in the spurts of time that we were together and it made all of our hearts a little fuller. When we choose to connect, we actively protect what our family is building.

What works:

*Have fun. Just do it. You'll feel better, I promise. Find the things that you enjoy and share them with your kiddos. Suck it up and do the things that they enjoy, as well. Whenever the kids want me to make a stuffed animal or doll talk, I turn it into play therapy and select a topic that will subtly teach them to be better humans. I can't help myself.

*Take turns. Make sure everyone has an opportunity to choose what you will be doing. This might be a positive reward from desired behavior and that totally works. But we are all more likely to play along when we feel like our turn is coming up next!

*Take breaks. Sometimes my husband played, sometimes I did. Sometimes we all did our own thing. It wasn't planned or discussed ahead of time. Having time to ourselves made it easier to connect because our personal little tanks were topped off.

*Be patient. The kids will still argue, you will still feel annoyed, overwhelmed, tired, etc. Your partner will feel like a roommate or colleague. Toys will break, dinner will be a bust, and the laundry will still need washed. And those dishes. Who invited them anyways? They are EVERYWHERE. But impatience will speed up your heart rate and intensify all of it. Anger, frustration, disappointment. They will establish expectations that will let you down and leave you feeling ravished. Acknowledge them, of course, because monsters are scariest in the dark. Then dethrone them because venting and dwelling do not solve problems. They retell the story and put it at the center of the day. Regroup and come back to it. It's okay to need a moment to yourself and it's okay to not have the answers on the spot. Be kind to yourself and to those around you because you're all figuring this out together. And you all want to look back on this story and love how it unfolded.

Grow Good Things

Welcome friends! If you’re joining me from my previous site, thank you for making the move. Most of us would agree that moving is THE WORST, but sometimes necessary and usually an upgrade. so consider this the second story, the in-ground pool, or the bonus room you always dreamed of. Oh and I for sure left a sock or four thousand dust bunnies behind. Moving on. 

I began blogging with the mission of creating. Maker, Please was my dream of  igniting creativity in others. The name was meant to be tongue-in-cheek and playful, never irreverent. That’s the writing style I pictured and loved. I have found my actual writing voice is much more serious than I anticipated. That must sound strange since I am in control of what I write. I’ve consciously decided to write out of the tender and vulnerable places in life because that’s where I believe real growth takes place.

However, recently I felt that it was time for a name change. My passion to write currently outweighs my desire to create physical objects. This season of life simply forces me to choose between the two. I have shifted  from wanting to share projects and ideas to pointing others to Jesus. It took some time and courage to be able to say that, but it’s the foundation of what I’m building here.

As I’m transferring posts to their new home, I realized Ephesians 2:10 has been the verse behind my work this entire time. It was in my first blog post and it was the driving force between me taking this blog to the next level. At a women’s conference recently, I heard the NLT version of this verse, which read “for we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” I started writing to point you to a creative God that has designed you to be creative, too. But when the words pour out, I find myself wanting you to see the good things set before you today. Your good things. Not her good things. Not all good things. But the good things set before you.

Thanks for joining me here. I hope that the same words that resonate in my heart will take shape and move in you. We are all creative in one way or another. We all were designed with a purpose and intention. Good works were literally set before us to ensure that we would make an impact and be known. You CAN take a step from the daily grind and find a moment to breathe into the places that light you up inside. Together let’s find the good things set before you today.